Do you feel stuck? Are you questioning your purpose? Your job? Your significant other? What is a “purpose” anyway and do you actually need to go out of your way to find it?
We’re all constantly questioning our realities & truthfully this is very healthy to do. However, what if you find yourself questioning everything around you? All of a sudden you find yourself feeling trapped or stuck in a reality that completely contradicts your beliefs & what you want in life.
Are you finding yourself hindering your own growth & progress because you’re worried that you will disappoint others with your decisions? Are you afraid to acknowledge what you want in life because you’ve convinced yourself that you’re incapable of achieving success or that you’re “not good enough?” Maybe, you’re repressing a fear of abandonment & are afraid that if you showed your true, weird, vibrant, etc, self to the world, that you wouldn’t be accepted. Or maybe you’ve chosen the “comfortable” route because it seems safer to stay in a reality that’s familiar.
Regardless of the reason(s) that have led to your current reality, I’m here to shatter it all up for you:
EVERYTHING YOU’RE EXPERIENCING IS AN ILLUSION.
What I mean by that is that you AREN’T stuck. You AREN’T obligated to do anything you don’t want to do. This concept seems simple and we all know these statements to be true, however, time & time again we convince ourselves that we HAVE to do things.
So often, we are living the narratives written by those around us: are parents, our significant other, our “friends.” (In this case I would argue that anyone who doesn’t completely accept you & have unconditional love for you is indeed not a friend… but that’s a whole other post.) Do you find yourself, still as an adult, seeking approval of your parents? Are you trying to please your boss or significant other by doing things for them that feel completely unnatural? We’re trying to please everyone around us, completely failing to please ourselves. In simple terms:
If you don’t know how to love & care for yourself, how can you expect to know how to love & care for others?
This constant state of repressing your desires may be causing you to become cynical, feel drained, worthless, unhappy or even miserable. This may come as a shock, but guess what…. You, my friend, have created that misery. WHY & HOW you ask? You may be yelling at the computer right now saying “I would never chose to be unhappy!” “Why would I do such a thing?” & again, I’m not here to make you feel worse, I’m here to enlighten you to what’s actually going on deep in your consciousness. You have created this miserable state of being because of one simple action. You have been living inauthentically.
“What do you mean I’ve been living inauthentically? I’m me all the time!”
What I’m saying is that if you constantly repress your true thoughts and feelings in order to make those around you more comfortable… then you’re being inauthentic. What happens when we repress these feelings? – We bottle up our emotions only to lash out later & claim that people and the world are “out to get you.” Well, no, that’s not the case. If you do not express the way you feel then how do you expect others to, firstly, even get to know you, much less understand your needs or where you’re coming from?
I know from personal experience as a “people pleaser” that I was far more concerned about the well-being of others than the well-being of myself. This caused me to isolate myself because I was constantly feeling like I needed to “recharge.”
-Want to know what my “A-HA” moment was? My moment was when I was watching an interview between two psychologists & I heard them explain that “people-pleasing” is just another form of manipulation… WHAT?! When I heard that, my brain re-programmed. The whole time I was hoping to NOT manipulate others (due to the fear I had of being manipulated myself) was me acting inauthentically outgoing when I secretly wanted to be at home alone, self-sacrificing my needs and energy because we’ve been taught that relationships require sacrifice (THAT IS BULLSHIT – RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD HELP YOU THRIVE), & dishonestly agreeing with others’ opinions so as not to create waves. I was not only lying to myself, I was lying to everyone around me.
Whatever you are experiencing and the emotions that come with it are not invalid. I’m not here to tell you that “you’re wrong” for feeling or living a certain way or that you should feel guilty about past actions. I’m here to help & show you that if you are unhappy, searching for an outlet to change your life, or feeling lack, that there IS a way to create a happier reality. A way to not only feel better but to live in a state of total positivity and happiness that attracts abundance on all levels (ie: relationships, career, wealth, etc.) That way is to be un-apologetically, authentically YOU.
DISCLAIMER: *This can be a long and tedious process because there’s a lot of healing involved. However, although tedious, you’ll understand a whole new joy to living… that’s a promise.
A few steps you can begin to take:
-Relinquish past guilt (regardless of how much you feel like you did something horrible & deserve to feel horribly for the action). We all make mistakes. We’ve all been a shitty person at one point or another. We’ve neglected things, been rude, said things we wish we could take back… it’s not only okay to forgive yourself but absolutely imperative to your overall well-being !
-Love yourself UNCONDITIONALLY (say “fuck you” to any thoughts about your body not being “good” enough, you not being smart enough, you not being worthy enough, etc… I’m so over hearing people talk shit about themselves because I know I used to do this dumb shit too & it truly serves zero purpose and completely negates the fact that you’re fucking AMAZING just for being alive & for being a unique individual…. this is obviously going to become a later post because I have a lot to say about learning to love oneself lol.)
-Sit or meditate alone in nature. Feel the sunlight in your skin. Take deep breaths. Go for a dip if there’s a swimable body of water. Sniff some flowers. Take a few hours to appreciate being alive.
-Take a week long break from substances like alcohol and weed. After the week, if you feel brighter and lighter, take another. Slow and steady steps. You don’t have to force yourself to do anything.
-YOU HAVE TO TRULY WANT TO LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE & BE THE BEST VERSION OF YOURSELF. (The “best” version meaning the version of yourself that YOU like the best. The healthiest and happiest version based on your own personal wants & needs.
When you live to pursue your own state of happiness & authenticity, not only are you doing a service to yourself, you are doing so much more for the people around you than you could have ever imagined before. With authenticity comes impactful & loving relationships, friendships, fulfilling careers, wealth & abundance.
There is so much more you can do & so much more that I could say about this topic, however, I have laid some groundwork for you to examine. If it resonates with you & you are on a journey of healing, I want you to know how excited I am for you. Feel free to contact me or leave a comment with any questions you may have.
*My intention with this blog is to create a forum of inspiration, health & wellness advice, information that is taboo, spark conversations, & create a safe space for individuals to share.
Happy healing my loved ones.
I love you unconditionally,